This is part two of a two-part reflection on the Fool and Somatic IFS week that took place in Bristol on 16-20 February this year. 

For context, start with part one.

The following piece was written by participant, Helyn Wilder, after spending time by the pond in the Easter Gardens, up the road from our training space. Photos are by fellow participant, Lucie Wild.

FROGSPAWN DAYS 

By Helyn Wilder / photos by Lucie Wild

In the pool the debris of winter is underlayered by spring growth 

The cold water of the pond reaches up to my wrist a cool caress.
I dare to tenderly touch the mass of frogspawn and wonder where its dark eyed, lean legged birther has gone.
The garden feels forgotten 

A Rain bedraggled, sleeping beauty
Becoming wilder
The sign says it is cared for by volunteers 
I am glad they are erratic in their tending.
Inside the fooling buzzes with people wearing their parts inside out on their faces and on their sleeves and in their uncoordinated unpracticed movements.

I can begin to see what it looks like to be someone else unfolding

Not just my usual people watching, looking and wondering what illegible thought is that scudding across their face … but a full display in my own idiom.
The script for the book of our lives with all its alterations and crossings out is open

Sheets scattered across the floor 
Some pages are missing or stained by water, 
Possibly tears.
In here it is ok to turn them over and rearrange them to make more sense
Scraping back the years 
Excavating dikes, ditches and cesspits of personality.
The original manuscript is so delicate and valuable it is locked in a glass case in a museum with only 2 pages visible  ..

That is the I the outside world sees .. 

Having my pages turned and poured over by fools feels like breathing deep gasps of air. 

Surfacing after a deep dive into a dark seaweed gully where a long strand of memory weed caught me and held me beneath for a moment too long.


Sometimes I am still gripped by the fear of being seen.. that residual sour, creeping dread as if woken from a nightmare by an alarm blaring Shame!  Shame! 

It is quieter now. Protected.
Walking back to my car at night the bright lights of welcoming cafes and bars distract my parts, reform my shell for now but deep inside I know tomorrow the self will unfurl and my parts will take flight and dance.

Big thanks to Helyn and Lucie for sharing their experiences.

Check out Part 1 of this blog for descriptions of what we got up to in the Fool + Somatic IFS lab, as well as photos, poetry and creative journalling.